Not In The Plans

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

How to irritate Bill Gates

* Steal his "nerdboy" license plate.

* Accuse him of sexually harassing your laser jet printer.

* Beat his high score on Tetris.

* Ask him if they caught the guy who did that to his hair.

* Tell him you heard he's "micro soft."

* Leave his Spock ears on your dashboard so they melt.

* Let the air out of the tires on the Gatesmobile.

* Drop hints that Oprah's richer than he is.

* WWW him right in the dot-com.

* Two words: Dork tax.

Remote Control

How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

Men As Toilets

	Men are like toilets. Either they are taken or they are full of shit!!

Marriage's Advantage

	Marriage means that someone helps you coping with all the problems you never had when you were a bachelor.

Who Is Listening

During the first year of marriage, the husband speaks and the wife hears.

During the second year, the wife speaks and the husband hears.

During the third year both of them speak, but only the neighbours hear.

Kitchen Accidents

	I read that most accidents in the home happen in the kitchen. So I moved the cooker to the bedroom.